Posts Tagged ‘Baptist Identity’

Bill Clinton Considers A Return To SBC

July 15, 2008

William Jefferson Clinton received his first religions exposure in the Baptist church. He continues to consider himself a Baptist, though a number of years ago there were numerous calls for his home church in Arkansas to discipline him due to his marital infidelity, falsehoods and downright deceit.

Clinton’s relationship with the Southern Baptist Convention has certainly been a strained one. Aside from his home church in Arkansas it seemed that few if any Southern Baptists stood by the side of the former Commander in Chief during his time of self-inflicted trials and tribulations. It is no wonder that Clinton would not feel at home in the SBC.

However, things may be changing.

It was during those turbulent days that Clinton became famous for his grammatical parsing skills. Who will ever forget the unforgettable line, “It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is?” Inside sources tell us that the former President is an avid reader of SBC Today and the penchant there for parsing the minutiae of Baptist doctrine along with parsing each word and phrase of the new emphasis on a Great Commission Resurgence has not escaped the admiring glance of the 42nd President of the United States.

Clinton released a public statement saying, “Why, shoot, they sound just like me in 1999. Those Southern Baptists have come a long way in nearly a decade. It really does make me feel like there might still be a place for me in the Southern Baptist family.”

Clinton did say, however, that he is looking for a vibrant worshiping community and if he can find one among the Baptist Identity supporters he would certainly consider a formal relationship with them. “It would be the best of both worlds, really.”

However, if it is no more interesting than the following service, he suggested he might take a pass.

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GCR? I Don’t Think So!

June 23, 2008

We at SBC TooDazed are greatly concerned about all the flutter last week concerning the “GCR.” We’re not sure just what a “GCR” is, but we can unhesitatingly tell you that we’re pretty sure we’re against it, primarily because we did not come up with the idea. It isn’t one of the cardinal doctrines of Baptist Identity, the First Year Initiative or a canon of the Association of Convictionless Baptists.

Besides that, everyone knows that Danny Akin and David Dockery, two men who spoke of a “GCR” at the “SBC” last week, are being led around like marionettes by David Rogers. Yes, that same David Rogers who was baptized by a Mormon. Or he baptized a Mormon. Or a Mormon was present at a baptism he performed. What does it matter. He’s obviously a heretic. And a Mormon. Or at least that’s the story we’re going to keep telling.

So, what is this “GCR” that we are against? Don’t let anyone fool you. It is a Great Calvinistic Resurgence. Did you see what happened with Tom Ascol’s resolution this year? Did you see how the convention fell for his nefarious scheme of amending the resolution to include “repentance” language? Are you not aware that “repentance” language is code for five-point Calvinism? Heed me well, within a decade we will all be baptizing babies and preaching from the Institutes. We will have built bridges that we should be burning.

To add insult to injury, the “GCR” has a second meaning as well: a Great Charismatic Resurgence! We all know that Jerry Rankin speaks unintelligible gibberish when he prays. So does Dwight McKissic. Sure, it all starts out so small and innocent, but before you know it we’ll be having missionaries speaking Ega or Narau. Then we’ll be electing Jan Crouch as President of the SBC! Oh, it’ll happen. Trust me.

So, as you can see, we cannot support for one moment any of this “GCR” business. And neither should you.