Archive for the ‘Preaching’ Category

How (Not) To Sleep In Church

July 22, 2008

Inspired as we were by the recent video clip we ran of Bill Clinton practicing a full-on eyelid inspection during church we at SBC TooDazed wish to provide a brief educational post for those who’s pastor may be preaching through the census data in Numbers, the article on Christian Education in the Baptist Faith and Message or the damning influence of Hershel Hobbs on the SBC of the last generation. These techniques may also be of use at your next local Baptist Identity conference. Of course, you may want to stay awake for the sessions where Calvinists and charismatics get their appropriate skillet-in-the-head treatment, but for those sessions on why we call John “the Baptist” take these notes from Mr. Bean and some very helpful advice from Bro. T. R. Scott.

Mr. Bean:

T. R. Scott:

Southern Baptists and Alcohol

June 5, 2008

We here at SBC TooDazed simply can’t let everyone else have all of the fun in the debate over alcohol, so we’ve decided, in order to crank up interest in our little blog prior to Indianapolis, that we shall tackle the alcohol debate ourselves. One of the passages on which the debate hinges is in John’s account of the wedding at Cana. Whatever this story may be telling us, the one thing we cannot believe is that Jesus turned water into actual wine. For our explanation of what did happen on that day we turn to our distinguished professor of New Testament, Dr. Allen David as he shares with us the Biblical view of alcohol and Jesus’ miracle at Cana. This message was from a recent chapel service at the Omnidirectional Baptist Theological Seminary.

Wasted Away Again In Magaritaville

June 2, 2008

In a previous post I said that Southern Baptists love irony. Here’s proof.

More Southern Baptists die each year from obesity-related health concerns than the abuse of alcohol, yet for the past two years if you want to see your blog comments skyrocket to new heights just post something on alcohol. Many have. Peter Lamekin posted an astonishing 19 posts on alcohol earlier in the year and has posted yet another one just this week. Yet you will search in vain for a post on obesity. In fact, obesity is the number one health threat in America. Religious people tend to be more overweight than the average population and Baptists (at a whopping 30%) are leading the way. While we are busy inflating our rolls we are apparently also busy inflating our BMIs.

You’ll get Rosie O’Worley all worked up about little babies who’s lives are destroyed by FAS, but he’ll be doing it with a mouth-full of his wife’s famous strawberry pie. In fact, there’s a good chance his wife and children will prematurely become beneficiaries of his Guidestone Insurance’s death policy without him ever taking another drink of alcohol. But you won’t find any posts on obesity coming from the hills and hollars.

As I’ve said before, we love preaching against Other People’s Sins. We’ve been blogging on it for two years. Two years where it’s quite possible that more Southern Baptists have died from heart disease and other obesity-related health problems than the total number of Americans who have died of alcohol-related concerns. What a vivid picture of straining gnats (out of wine) and swallowing camels (at the Furr’s buffet).

Preach It!

March 27, 2008

I confess that I love listening to people preach against other people’s sins (OPS). You know you’ve done it, too. You sit there thinking to yourself, “I sure hope ol’ so-and-so is listening to this. He/she sure could use it.” It may not even be OPS. It may be OPT (other people’s theology).

ShoutingYes. It is a joyous sound in my ears to hear some good pulpit thumping against Emergents (or emergents), people who speak in tongues, drink alcohol, have sex, know who Mark Driscoll is, read Brian McLaren books, are Calvinists, baptize babies, vote for Democrats or blog. That’s what makes being a Southern Baptist so rewarding. You can hear this stuff at just about any Baptist conference or convention. You can even post links to them on your blog for others to listen to over and over and over again.

Imagine the hearty “Amens!” you’ll hear when preaching against that Jezebel Hillary Clinton. Especially when there isn’t a soul in the building who would vote for her if a gun was to their head. I mean, everyone can give an “Amen!” to that, now can’t they? Or imagine the frenzy you can whip a Baptist group in to by preaching against Calvinists. Those poor souls account for a paltry 10% of the denomination at best. Give it to them and give it to them good and you are guaranteed to have 90% of the crowd glad-handing you afterwards. Oh, and then there are those emergent people. There may only be two of them in the entire SBC, but what delight it brings to shout their post-conservative, post-liberal, post-Republican, postmodern, Post Toastie-eating selves into as much shame and disgrace as a person can stand.

Yes. We Baptists excel at preaching against OPS and OPT.

Sorry to cut this short, but I’m off to my third helping of that chocolate pie that’s in the fridge. It’s yummy!

Let Us Ring Your Bell

March 6, 2008

We recently caught up with Dr. J. Bell, distinguished professor of preaching at The Omnidirectional Baptist Theological Seminary. ODBTS was sponsoring a conference they called: “If You’re Not One of Us, You’re Not One of His.” The conference was being held at the Impressive Baptist Church in Perkins, Oklahoma.

We at SBC TooDazed are thankful for godly men like Dr. Bell and the contribution to our Southern Baptist Identity. Enjoy!