Archive for the ‘Peter Lamekin’ Category

I’m…er…uh…Kinda Sorta Sorry

May 26, 2009

Some things will bring just about anyone out of retirement.

You know, over the course of time I’ve been pretty hard on the Baptist Identity Boyz.  I’ve accused them of being girlish.  I’ve implied they are fundamentalists.  I’ve called them theologically wishy-washy and have indicated that their status as vertibrates is in question.  But it is time that I make some sort of apology for all of this.  Emphasis on the “some sort of.”

You see, I’ve simply been passing along high-level insider information that I’ve received from BI headquarters.  I’m not the culprit here.  An unnamed source who is on the official BI payroll announced all of these things and more at a recent public meeting.  In fact, this source indicated that certain BI proponents wear women’s underpants and subscribe to Oprah on iTunes.  It is further reported that a substantial amount of their income is spent on hair care products (certain of the hairless variety being the exception).

However, it appears that I may have been duped.  Used as a shill.

Thus, I want to be up front and honest concerning my motives so that others may avoid the unfortunate pitfalls to which I’ve succumbed.

I’ve written what I’ve written because:

1. My super high-confidential-already-in-a-witness-protection-program source is totally true and trustworthy.  I mean, generally speaking this guy’s the Bible.  He’s an atomic clock.  Steady as a sunrise.  Who knew he was going to go all Jayson Blair on me?

2. Because these things have been so easy to believe.  Come on.  You tell me one look at Rosie O’Worley won’t convince you that she wears women’s underpants.  Or that Yippee Goldstein isn’t an Oprah fan.  Or that Peter Lamekin’s mullet isn’t held firmly in place with the aid of a little Miss Clairol.

3. Because this is important stuff right here.  If these guys are running around in bustiers then someone owes Madonna a serious apology.  If Oprah is becoming a multi-bazillionaire through Baptist Identity contributions then someone owes Lottie Moon a serious apology.  And if these guys are invertibrates then someone owes invertibrates a serious apology.

However, it now appears that all of that information is potentially wrong.  It appears that I may have given the ninth commandment a hairline fracture.  So let me say that I’m kinda sorta sorry.

I want to apologize to Victoria’s Secret for besmirching their good reputation of clothing only swimsuit supermodels and emaciated manequines with their fine line of undergarments.

I want to apologize to The View for the implication that their brand of fundamentalism might require capitalization.

And I want to apologize to the Miss Clairol line.  Who knew mulletts look like that all on their own?

May we all learn a valuable lesson in these trying days.


The Sounds of Silence

March 25, 2008

It appears that Babwa and the girls, along with all of the other Paige Patterson groupies out there, have gone all Helen Keller on us.

SBC Outpost has been publishing the Paige Patterson court deposition.  My, oh my!  I never thought a public leader would ever prove to have a memory worse than Ronald Regan during the Iran-Contra proceedings.  Boy, was I wrong.

Not only that, but the things he does remember impeach his woeful leadership skills.  We all know that Sonic would not fire a fry cook based upon such unsubstantiated and undocumented hearsay.  In fact, to pursue a professor without a formal follow-up is to act on nothing more than the gossip of some students who’s agenda remains unknown (if those students, in fact, existed in the first place).

Perhaps those student’s names are Huckleberry Finn, Genji and Madame Bovary – real in the minds of some, but fictional characters to the rest of us.  Who will ever know?  The ineptitude of employer Patterson’s memory is only outdone by his equally inept documentation responsibilities.  And these are not simply allegations.  You can read the public transcripts for yourself.

Which makes one wonder where Babwa, Yippee, Liz, Peter, Damned Barebones and Rosie all are at this moment.  Why aren’t they talking at The View?  Perhaps the batteries in all of their wireless keyboards have all mysteriously gone out at the same time.  Oh, no, that can’t be it.  After all, some of them have made announcements about the official decision of the court.  When it comes to defending Paige Patterson these folks are usually about as inhibited as Rosie O’Donnell and Alec Baldwin are in their comments regarding George Bush (though in an opposite sort of way).

I’d bet my pink Cadillac that not a one of them will have anything at all to say about this deposition.  Oh, brother Barebones may try to find some creative way to make angels dance on the heads of pins.  The rest will just stand there combing their hair in hopes of finding an angel or two up there.

Man-crush Gone Wild

March 24, 2008

It appears that poor Wade Burleson may need to remind Peter Lamekin of his staunch record of heterosexuality. It appears that in Peter’s man-crush he has “devoted” an entire web page solely to Wade Burleson.

I remember a while back someone accusing Peter of an obsession with Wade which Peter vociferously denied. Now he’s started his own e-Harmony-like web page to capture sixteen photos of Wade (along with two photos of Wade’s right ear) and a page full of quotes from Wade – mostly taken out of context. Uhhhh…..right, Peter. Right.

Personally I don’t have a lot of interest in Peter (wink, wink). I hardly think of him at all (never mind my last post). But a “friend” of mine compiled a list of quotes from Peter that I am sharing here.

That Peter’s one scary dude (kiss, kiss).

In Honor of Peter Lamekin

March 17, 2008

The fondness that our sisteren over at The View have for their friend Peter Lamekin has not gone unnoticed here at SBC TooDazed and we don’t want our fondness for Pedro to go unnoticed, either.

Peter is one of the most loquacious, even if a little obtuse, members of the Baptist blogosphere. He knows how to bless with grace even when he’s cursing with every other word he hammers out on his keyboard. We also noticed that Peter seems to have some sort of man crush on Wade Burleson. We don’t know what Peter did with his last video installment, which he claimed had no agenda, yet in which he made reference to Wade Burleson (or rather Wade BURleson) no less than 11 times, but don’t think that it escaped our admiring notice.

We have noticed that Peter enjoys a commenting toleration at his blog that is similar to that of his sisters at The View. Fortunately for Peter most of those who comment there are his friends so that he does not have to put up with those pesky people who refuse to confirm him in what he already believes.

Historically the Lamekin clan is traced back to Northumberland in England. Northumberland is situated on the border between England and Scotland and is the site of many historic battles between the English and the Scots. It is no surprise to us, then, that Lamekin enjoys a good fight.

So, here’s to our brother Peter who takes arrogance and condescension to new heights on a regular basis. Cheers! And tell Wade that we send our best.

With that, I am…….