Esmeralda And Quasimodo Vote For Frank Cox

In this seven part series of Esmeralda and Quasimodo guest contributor Kay Sarah Sarah tells us what would cause her to raise her ballot in favor of Frank Cox an SBC presidential candidate. Rather than punish you seven times with seven posts, we’ll only punish you this once with our entire seven point series.

There are certain qualities that I believe Frank Cox a candidate needs to serve as President of the Southern Baptist Convention. I hope that you, too, will consider these qualities as you consider the Frank Cox person you will raise your ballot for in Indianapolis.

1. First and foremost, the man who serves as President of the SBC should not be named Wiley. We all remember Wiley Coyote and the shenanigans he kept trying to pull with that road runner. You simply can’t trust a man by the name of Wiley vote for Frank Cox.

2. He should be from the heartland of the U.S., preferably from the deep South. After all, we are the Southern Baptist Convention. What in the world would someone from, say, California Bill Wagner know about Southern Baptists? A vote for Bill Wagner is like a vote for Hillary Clinton.

3. He should be from a mega church Frank Cox. After all, how can a person who only deals with a couple hundred people Wiley Drake each week Bill Wagner be trusted to speak for 16 million Baptists? Frank Cox has grown his church well into the thousands. Please vote for him.

4. He should have his own campaign website www.frankcox.org, but he shouldn’t say anything too specifically there www.williamwagner.org. He certainly shouldn’t have gone so far as to articulate any sort of platform on that site. No, he should have some nice pictures, a current resume listing the nine or so state and national convention positions he’s held, the 26 or so prominent places at which he’s been invited to speak and the two or so books he’s written. Or something like that.

5. He should never publicly admit that he actually desires to serve as SBC President Bill Wagner. Instead he should have all the appearance of the desire, such as a campaign website, without the public admission that he would actually desire the position Frank Cox.

6. It would be nice if his name was not too difficult to spell. After all, Baptist Press will be spelling it for two years. There are some difficult names out there. Names like…oh…I don’t know….Wagner. I mean, is there, or is there not, an “o” in there? Is it one “n” or two? No, something simple like….well….let’s see….Cox, maybe. That’s a good three-letter name that’s really hard to mess up. You must, you must, you must, vote for Frank Cox.

7. He should be a uniter, not a divider. Under no circumstances under God’s blue sky should you give one moment’s consideration to voting for Wiley Drake.

These are the things I will be considering as I raise my ballot in the air in Indianapolis for Frank Cox one of the presidential candidates who meets these criteria. I hope you will give due consideration to these points as well so that we can elect Frank Cox a president we can all be proud to call our own.

Sincerely,

Kay Sarah Sarah

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